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Thread: Ground Crews Rule

  1. #1
    40m's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
    Shoreham, VT
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    Ground Crews Rule

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.
    S: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That’s what they’re for

    P: IFF inoperative.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you’re right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny.
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.

    And the best one for last.

    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget.

    From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be
    found in all corners of the earth."

    Then he made the earth round... and He laughed and laughed and laughed!

  2. #2
    skywagon8a's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    SE Mass
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    P:Captain's clock inop.
    S:Turned wind knob.
    Likes kestrel liked this post

  3. #3
    wireweinie's Avatar
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    Aug 2013
    Palmer, AK
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    And remember; O.F.F. does not stand for 'On Full Force'.

    Life's tough . . . wear a cup.

  4. #4
    hotrod180's Avatar
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    May 2008
    Port Townsend, WA
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    First time I've heard the "mouse in cockpit" one.
    Cessna Skywagon-- accept no substitute!

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