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Thread: Those Inhumane Barking Collars

  1. #1
    Steve Pierce's Avatar
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    Those Inhumane Barking Collars

    The neighbors had been complained that one of our dogs had been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased a humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it.
    This evening I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid. And that's where my evening should have ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to “how” the collars actually work.
    So I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure why I had this next thought, but I did...I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face.
    I began coughing, which only caused the fucking collar to continue squirting bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the dog is barking. So between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco.
    I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that inhumane fucker across the yard, and lay in the grass sucking in the humid evening air. In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so damn hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would start laughing and couldn't make it." So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn't smell like ode de' Tiki Torch.
    Lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that:
    1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off.
    2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.
    On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!
    Even though this does sound like some crazy thing that I'd do, I hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a good laugh so feel free to do the same.
    Steve Pierce

    Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
    Will Rogers

  2. #2
    Bill Rusk's Avatar
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    Steve

    I laughed so hard......that might be even better than Murf's hand propping post.

    That was great.....

    Thanks for the laugh

    Bill
    Very Blessed.
    Likes mike mcs repair, WindOnHisNose liked this post

  3. #3

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    That's funny

  4. #4
    www.SkupTech.com mike mcs repair's Avatar
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    please tell me you shared this on your facebook feed ..... tag me in comments on it, so I can share it..

  5. #5
    www.SkupTech.com mike mcs repair's Avatar
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    the bigger question is..... are you now persuaded to not bark and be quiet??

  6. #6
    Steve Pierce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mike mcs repair View Post
    please tell me you shared this on your facebook feed ..... tag me in comments on it, so I can share it..
    You are a member of "Grumpy Old Aircraft Mechanics" aren't you?
    Steve Pierce

    Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
    Will Rogers

  7. #7
    www.SkupTech.com mike mcs repair's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steve Pierce View Post
    You are a member of "Grumpy Old Aircraft Mechanics" aren't you?
    no...

    i will look it up...

    who you calling grumpy???

  8. #8

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    Thank you for a good laugh!

  9. #9
    cubdriver2's Avatar
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    Have you ever watched the Darwin awards?

    Glenn
    "Optimism is going after Moby Dick in a rowboat and taking the tartar sauce with you!"
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  10. #10
    Farmboy's Avatar
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    As Glenn mentioned, the stories about guys testing the range of their hunting collars, by giving the remote to the wife and putting the collar on their neck.....


    Sent from my iPhone using SuperCub.Org

  11. #11
    Eddie Foy's Avatar
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    I would have given my left testicle to witness that!

  12. #12

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    Get a training collar, charge it and the transmitter up, put it on and I’ll be right there to demonstrate how to teach “quiet.”
    Remember, These are the Good old Days!

  13. #13
    Steve Pierce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mike mcs repair View Post
    no...

    i will look it up...

    who you calling grumpy???
    If you aern't you are a way better man than me.
    Steve Pierce

    Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.
    Will Rogers

  14. #14
    charlie husky's Avatar
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    Premature Exasperation.
    Last edited by charlie husky; 07-14-2018 at 07:18 AM. Reason: spellin’ error

  15. #15
    www.SkupTech.com mike mcs repair's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OLDCROWE View Post
    Get a training collar, charge it and the transmitter up, put it on and I’ll be right there to demonstrate how to teach “quiet.”
    I always said political debate candidates should wear them. Tied to the buzzer, and to the moderator.


    Sent from my iPhone using SuperCub.Org mobile app

  16. #16
    Clyde Barker's Avatar
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    My story is not copied, I really did this but it was long ago and I think the statute of limitations applies.

    Years ago one our friends asked us to keep their Lab while they were out of town for a few days. We said great, it'll have a good time staying over with our two labs, Rex and Norton.

    Well their dog barked constantly for no reason. After about 3 sleepless nights I decided to rent one the the shocking dog collars. It used a 9 volt battery. I decided to test it before I put it on the dog, thinking that if I wouldn't try it myself I didn't want to subject a dog to it.

    I didn't put the collar on, but I held it in my hands and barked at it. It worked. It worked really good. Reflexes caused me to throw the collar across the room, where it embedded the metal terminals deep into a wall. I never realized that those little batteries packed such a charge.

    Well, I figured if it didn't kill me, it wouldn't be bad at all for the Lab through his thick coat of hair.

    Well, right after I put the collar on the poor guy Rex walked right up to him and barked. Our guest dog took off full throttle head on into our brick back wall. He was OK, but I felt really bad about it and removed the collar.

    But he never barked again during the rest of his stay.
    Last edited by Clyde Barker; 07-14-2018 at 08:09 PM.

  17. #17
    Kyle Wolfe's Avatar
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    Reminds me of the time my wife wanted to see if the yard collar was working. I had burried the wire in the yard and in our driveway crack. She picked up the collar, walked out of the garage and past the first driveway section and promptly got shocked.

    Of of course I laughed. But not near as hard as when she turned around and walked back through the field once again!

    She did not see the same humor in it that u saw!
    Thanks Steve Pierce thanked for this post

  18. #18
    Scooter7779h's Avatar
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    Those Inhumane Barking Collars

    Now that’s funny.


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
    =========
    PA-12 fan

  19. #19
    BC12D-4-85's Avatar
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    Friend Tom is a dog trainer-Labs for hunting. Professional and travelled to various events for years. He showed me his working and training collar and slipped it on my Airedale. Said watch this just on a low setting as his eyes squinted and mouth pulled to side had a strange smile. ZZZZZTTT on low and my dog sorta' twisted and sat looking at the two of us looking at her. He removed the collar and set it on a nearby table.

    While we talked she grabbed the collar and ran into the nearby float pond next to my plane and dropped it. That model don't float. Tom got his shoes and pants wet retrieving the device and that was the end of that.

    Edit: As a typical hunter terrier she gave Tom's collar a few rat killing shakes before dropping it in the water. It probably smelled like one of his well trained Labs.

    Gary
    Last edited by BC12D-4-85; 07-15-2018 at 04:16 PM.
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  20. #20
    WindOnHisNose's Avatar
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    OMG, I really needed that, Steve. I have tears running down my face from laughter, can hardly breathe, after just dealing with more bs than you can imagine. Thank you for that!

    Major LMAO!!!

    Randy the Laughing Hysterically Shooter

  21. #21
    Clayton Harper's Avatar
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    It really hurts to laugh after the surgery, but I did. Reminds mind me of the joke where the southern preacher had an affair come out in a "open testimonial" event" in church on Sunday. The preacher said "I don't think I would have told that brother." On the other hand there are no secrets in aviation.
    Thanks STaylor2 thanked for this post
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