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Thread: A note to an Old Friend

  1. #1
    CloudDancer's Avatar
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    A note to an Old Friend

    I have an old friend from my Artic flying days who now resides on the other side of the globe and has for a number of years now, assaulting various South Pacific islands with his old B-707 when not assailing Guam's various spirit distributors. Kinda' slow about responding to Emails. I been waiting for his last response for about a year and a half.

    So the other night I sent him this Email, along with CC-ing many of our former coworkers at the old company, most of whom now all fly for MAJOR (bankrupt) airlines, except for a couple.

    Two of my buddies thought it was funny enough that they wanted to share it with their flying colleagues with whom (it now seems) they spend alot more time with rather than their families under the New Airline World Order.

    As usual, I was pounding away at the keyboard after consuming far too many more adult beverages than was actually neccessary; so I'll have to go through this and %$^# out some of the nasty words. But, you'll get the idea. Oh, AND change some of the names to protect the TRULY innocent of course.

    The subject line was....

    ATTENTION!! You are currently three month PAST DUE.....


    on your annual Christmas EMail greetings!!

    I don't know which of you is the WORSEr. You or the
    Snooseburner!! Of course, McMahon, having much the
    same amount of affection for, and high tech "ability"
    as I do; responds to EMails no faster that you Richard.

    (Hint Hint there Snooser).

    Here in America...those of your old Arctic flying
    friends that are still marginally employed...which
    means everybody but McMahon and Donnie Hensen who
    work for..........

    The WORLD'S GREATEST AIRLINE AND LOW FARE SAVIOR OF
    THE WHOLE ^%$KING UNIVERSE!!....SouthWEST!!

    ......... continue to plod wearily from one exotic
    destination to another dragging behind our overworked
    butts the low fare trailer park queens and princes
    who....thanks to..........

    The WORLD'S GREATEST AIRLINE AND LOW FARE SAVIOR OF
    THE WHOLE $#%@ING UNIVERSE!!....SouthWEST

    have now apparenty become the (moldy) bread and
    (rancid) butter of our industry.

    Yes, from an overWHELMingly exciting minimum rest
    overnight at one of Des Moines, Iowa's FINEST two-
    and-a-half star hotels to the REDUCED REST relaxation
    and pampering of yet another luxury resort in
    glamorous El Paso, Texas; we flit gaily...(that's
    gaily...not GAYly.....I ASSUME you've by now heard of
    "BrokeBack Mountain" on that side of the
    globe....(SIGH)...is NOTHING SACRED....not even the
    American COWboy??!!!....NO!!.....FOLLYwood has to give
    NEW MEANING to "riding bareback"!!....but I
    digress...where WAS I?.....oh yes....

    we flit GAILY hither and yon.

    And to add TO the excitement, the hoTELS...who
    apparently are ALSO seeing record numbers of not only
    patrons but also..(gasp) PROphets from those patrons,
    in dollars and percentages exCEEDing pre 2001 levels;
    unLIKE the AIRlines who are running at full capacity
    with record high load factors yet STILL expecting the
    employEES pay for the gas [not to mention management's
    bone-us(es)] instead of the passengers. But at least
    we are all in this "losing our asses so you've got to
    give us more conCESSions" boat together. Even
    "Superboy" JetBlew is sinking like a rock, so the low
    fare carriers are al....oh WAIT...I forgot
    about.......


    THE WORLD'S GREATEST AIRLINE AND LOW FARE SAVIOR OF
    THE WHOLE $%#@ING UNIVERSE....South-GAHDAMN WEST!!


    APPARently these people, NOT the Jews, are "The Chosen
    Ones". This $%#@ing airline hasn't had a loss since
    replacing NOAH as the cattle car of choice.

    While the rest of us contemplate our future retirement
    as Wal-Mart greeters, meanwhile hoarding all the
    miniature toiletries we can pilfer off the maid's cart
    in the FINER hotels; SWA employees can be identified
    on the buses to/from the employee parking lot by their
    GAY demeanor and their TOTAL OBLIVION to ANYthing
    going on outside their little slice of Shangri-la.
    Yeah...THEy got prophets comin' outta' their ASS!

    Snooser, no offense to you ol' buddy. I know you
    didn't mean to or ever intend to grow up and work
    for...


    THE WORLD'S GREATEST AIRLINE AND LOW FARE SAVIOR OF
    THE WHOLE #$%@ING UNIVERSE...SouthWEST

    Like me, you wanted an airline with the nice homey
    family feeling of our younger days at ***** ****** so
    you went to work for Morris Air; never suspecting that
    you would get VACUUMED UP by some corporate
    monstrosity, unintentionally thereby setting a bad
    example for "the BomBer" who hoped to emulate your
    percieved good fortune by getting in on the ground
    floor of another SWA clone expecting that should it
    fail SWA would buy them too. I don't really know if
    ol' Bomber has ever forgiven you for
    that John. Next time I see him, I'll ask.

    Now Donny Hensen....well that's another story. Oh
    ****!! I forgot I was writing to Richard, who has
    probably fallen into an UZO induced coma, by this
    point.

    Hey Bud!! Still there? Oh Well. This epistle has
    gone on far to long, but has been theraputic for me in
    the absence of any alchoholic induced haze of my own
    as I have to fly tomorrow afternoon.

    Anyway...if the title of the EMail didn't prompt an
    immediate delete....if you kids have come with me this
    far.......Merry Christmas 2005 to you Richard and Best Wishes for 2006, and I guess 2007 as well, as
    i'll be amazed IF I can provoke a response outta' your
    pitiful butt before then.

    I'd say come see us sometime...but....I think YOU'RE
    the guy who has it figured out....we should come see
    you.

    The Best Always Old Friend

    CloudDancer (I'd rather Fly a Sled than work for.....

    THE WORLD'S GREATEST AIRLINE AND LOW FARE SAVIOR OF
    THE WHOLE $%#@ING UNIVERSE....

  2. #2
    behindpropellers's Avatar
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    How many of those adult beverages did you have?

  3. #3
    CloudDancer's Avatar
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    Not really too sure there friend. I run out of fingers and toes to count on.

    Well, actually..afore I ran outta' toes to count on, the barkeep pointed out the sign sayin' "No shoes, No shirt...NO SERVICE"...so I had ta put mah boots back on.

    They really SHOULD put seat belts on some a them TALLER barstools.....

  4. #4
    Grant's Avatar
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    I Love it.

    I have written a similar rant to old (NAVY) buddies of mine in the past. It seems to come on after a few too many and a single smart ass remark by someone who wasn't there and doesn't know what your talking about.

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