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We ain't as stupid as we look!

Cajun Joe

GONE WEST
LS86 or Hammond, LA
This story may not fit the parameters defined for "Flying Humor"
except that it is a effort on the part of us Southern Cub Drivers
to challenge you Northern Cub drivers to a test to prove that y'all
ain't as smart as y'all act up in SC.Org! This further blends the
parameters since it was sent to me from our good friend and
forevermore Cub driver from GIF .. Capt Steve Alcorn!

Now, rather than be so durn judgemental of us just sit back,
pop your ritalin, and take the test:

The Redneck Engineer Challenge:


1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will
support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks
in your front yard? (A) '65 Ford Fairlane
( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle (C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20
gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to
condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700 RPM. The density
of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is
2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet.
The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how
many dogs will be killed?

6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an
average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown
children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough
property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep
slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average
traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it
will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it
take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to breed a
country-western singer?

I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one, didn't ya?

It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to show ya ...

There's a whole heap of things that big city book-learning don't prepare
ya for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE", here's some
southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece ....

Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and
place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with them.


Never thought of that did ya??
 
Ouch! Joe, you've been lying down in the weeds waitin' ta get even wit' me for 'Joe Moves ta da U.P.' :lol: I had ta hold my sliderule upside down to figger out some o' dem story problems.

Gotta go, time to mount up da blade on 'The Pawnee Snowplow'.... :wink:
 
You really oughta stop runnin' your mouth about my family.....

em eye crooked letter crooked letter eye crooked letter crooked letter eye hump back hump back eye.

Thats MISSISSIPPI for you learned up type.

Mississippi Delta born & raised.

Cotton, Beans, Rice, Ducks, Doves, & Deer
 
Joe,

There are lots of those type folks here in Alaska. They live in communities outside Anchorage and Fairbanks. We see lots of them. Afterall they have their entire extended families living with them so they can get that Dividend Check. Heck, we have one Walmart (chinamart) and they are going to build a second one here in Fairbanks so they will all feel right at home. :roll: :roll: :D
 
you mean there is more than one? I remember at one point, when growing up, that the Mississippi delta had more "deers" (White tail) per Square mile than any other place in the country. I don't know if thats the case these days.
 
Heard a feller try to explain math-o matics say that pie are square! Don't be silly, I says, pie are round, cornbread are square! :drinking:
 
Joe I'm going to need a little help calulating the number of dogs killed when the porch collapses. can you give me a hint?
 
Okay you must first consider the mean height of any dogs vs. the hieght of the joist and weather or not the joist will fall on them. Also the other constant to consider is weather there is another object below the porch providing supplemental structural support that could also provide refuge for the potential victims. After that you have the necessary constants required for the calculations. Varibles will include the following:

* Time of year (summer will mean more dogs, due to shade provided)
* Type/size of dog
* Size of Porch (area)
* Number of people standing on the porch
* Time of day (feeding time will reduce the number of dogs proportionat to the number of avialable bowls)
* Point of failure
* Duration of collapse
* Reaction time of the victims
* Reaction time of the Rescuers

As you can see the calculations required are quite complex and it is a tribute to redneck engineering to be able to quantify such a complex tragedy.

Have fun.
 
Cajun Joe said:
...
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet.
The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how
many dogs will be killed?

None. All 'em dawgs been dead for a week... just ain't nobody noticed.
 
Aviator said:
Cajun Joe said:
...
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a
field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet.
The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how
many dogs will be killed?

None. All 'em dawgs been dead for a week... just ain't nobody noticed.

" The Whole Pack" :drinking:
 
This lovely lady knows the answers to all of Cajun Joes riddles. Ever heard of kissing cousins? Yeehah or is it iiaaeee?
girlfriend.jpg
 
Hey Grant,
Sweet answer to No. 5. It's obvious now that
you are from the Delta!

And Dan 2+2 ..... how could you post that picture
in here. Man you made me filter a good cup of
"French Market" coffee though my nose....

ayieeeee
 
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