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Thread: Ruidoso Ron's "Jets Are For Kids"

  1. #1
    Cajun Joe's Avatar
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    Ruidoso Ron's "Jets Are For Kids"

    I always envied the slambang antics of a Lear firing up and blasting off
    with the old rocket engines. Then one day Massey sat me down and
    though a couple "XX" explained the joys of seeing the gauges on
    number 4 come up from his engineer's station while 1-2&3 were
    sputtin' and spittin'.
    Now, a friend from GIF, Capt. Steve Alcorn, sends me this:

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    DEDICATED TO ALL THOSE WHO

    FLEW BEHIND ROUND ENGINES


    We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining aviation and
    our hearing...

    A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery.
    The air travels through it in a straight line and doesn't pick up
    any of the pungent fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat.

    Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a
    switch from "OFF" to "START" and then remember to move
    it back to "ON" after a while. My PC is harder to start.

    Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. You
    have to seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny mistress.
    On some planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it...

    Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a lady-like poof
    and start whining a little louder.

    Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG,
    more rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks,
    a lot more smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that.
    It's a GUY thing...

    When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can
    concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on
    a ceiling fan: Useful, but, hardly exciting.

    When you have started his round engine successfully your Crew
    Chief looks up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl, too!

    Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, which leads to
    aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention. A round engine
    at speed looks and sounds like it's going to blow any minute. This
    helps concentrate the mind !

    Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to keep a pilot's
    attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.

    Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman Lamps.
    Round engines smell like God intended machines to smell.

    Pass this on to an old WWII guy (or his son, or anyone who flew
    them, ever) in remembrance of that "Greatest Generation".



    Cheers

  2. #2
    Taledrger's Avatar
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    Good one Joe. How true it is. Same goes for all that new fangled gadgetry. We may live in a safer aviation world but it sure has lost it's romance.
    That's why few of those old boys owned Cubs. They got all their "romance" at work...in more ways than one.
    On the other hand, I'll take the turbines, GPS, etc, at my age I need my sleep...

    Bob D

  3. #3
    Cajun Joe's Avatar
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    Right on, Bob!
    I always though a cattle prod wake up alarm would
    be a nice feature on the Garmin 430.

    Merry Christmas

  4. #4
    Jerry Gaston's Avatar
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    You forgot to mention how the round engine marks it's territory.

  5. #5
    Cubdude's Avatar
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    What's the old round engine saying...

    "If it doesn't leak, then it doesn't have any oil!"

  6. #6
    SimonK's Avatar
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    I'm a cub man myself but in Alaska Airlines' defense, their 737-200s leak like a sieve

  7. #7
    Ruidoso Ron's Avatar
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    Thanks Joe! That recitation strummed at my heartstrings! One day, almost 30 years after my squadron got rid of KC-97's, I flew over Navy Dallas, inbound to DFW. You could still see where every airplane had been parked.

  8. #8
    Cajun Joe's Avatar
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    Merry Christmas, Ron.

    I see Santa gave you your present early and
    fixed your internet!

  9. #9

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    Merry Christmas Ron, How's the project coming along?

    Patrick&Sharon

  10. #10
    murph's Avatar
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    Y'all can have the fartin' and belchin'.

    I'll keep my turbines. I've had enough of that flyin' all day and hangin' cylinders, mags and carbs all night. I can make do without all that nostalgia.

    Like my grandma told me, "the good old days weren't really all that good".

    murph

  11. #11

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    Joe that was very well said.
    I am printing it out for my Dad to read.
    His favorite was the Hell Cat of WWII.
    However, I have heard him say that the best thing about the good ole days is that they are gone.
    He is truely a member of the greatest generation class of 1944 and 1945 attended school at Guam and Iwo Jima. Has a PhD in staying alive.

    Merry Christmas
    Jim

  12. #12
    JetA's Avatar
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    I wouldn't trade one minute of my "belchfire" time, however....I have a few ticks and twitches I can't seem to shake (no pun intended). I've had a few turbines flame-out on me but the auto-ignition has always come through and relit 'em. Relight on a radial isn't always a good thing, means you got to switch to yer backup fire-bottle. If you still have one.

  13. #13
    Ruidoso Ron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by StPat
    Merry Christmas Ron, How's the project coming along?

    Patrick&Sharon
    It's coming slowly, but surely. Hard to believe how dirty a 52 year-old airplane gets. Come see us!

  14. #14
    Ruidoso Ron's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JetA
    I wouldn't trade one minute of my "belchfire" time, however....I have a few ticks and twitches I can't seem to shake (no pun intended). I've had a few turbines flame-out on me but the auto-ignition has always come through and relit 'em. Relight on a radial isn't always a good thing, means you got to switch to yer backup fire-bottle. If you still have one.
    When I went to turbines, they told me there are three times that you turn Continuous Ignition-"ON":

    !) In heavy precip
    2) In heavy turbulance, or
    3) Any time it makes you feel better!

  15. #15
    Bill Rusk's Avatar
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    I'll piggyback on Murph's post...


    These are the good old times


    Think about it

    Bill

  16. #16
    Ruidoso Ron's Avatar
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    Murph and Bill,
    I must admit that I agree with you. Several years ago, a friend of mine called me and told me about a cargo outfit in Miami that was hiring pilots and flight engineers to fly stripped down DC-7's to S. America and back (if they were lucky) hauling plastic dog poop, or something. They were paying FE's more than the Captain, because they were so scarce. He said "Where have you been? I told these people that you would be up to speed, and on the line in less than 30 days". I told him that " you need to tell those people that you have made a terrible mistake! I don't plan to set foot in another one of those nasty killers, as long as I live!" The closest I have come since was when I ferried a 195 to CA for a friend a few years later. And it tried to kill me then.

    It is fun to reminisce though.

  17. #17
    murph's Avatar
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    Hey Ron,

    Let me get this straight. Were you hauling plastic dog poop to or from S America?

    murph

  18. #18
    Ruidoso Ron's Avatar
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    Both Murph! We were hauling the domestic stuff to Argentina (they have a real affinity for American Plastic Dog Poop), and returning with cheap, low-grade plastic dog poop from Bolivia (sold in Target Stores all over the world).

  19. #19
    murph's Avatar
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    Ron,



    I knew you'd have some profound explanation, so I just had to ask. I've been hurtin' to hear one of your perfectly told stories, preferably around a campfire.

    :P :P

    murph

  20. #20
    Ruidoso Ron's Avatar
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    Took off from the Cub factory today, long enough to put about 75 miles on the Harley. Sunshine and sixty degrees here in the end of December! Thought about just heading on down to Copper Canyon. Guess the SC trip to Baja must have fizzled out.

  21. #21
    S2D's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by murph
    Y'all can have the fartin' and belchin'.

    I'll keep my turbines. I've had enough of that flyin' all day and hangin' cylinders, mags and carbs all night. I can make do without all that nostalgia.

    Like my grandma told me, "the good old days weren't really all that good".

    murph
    There just isn't anything sweeter than the sound of a radial engined sprayplane going back and forth in the distance on a cool morning!!

    Unfortunately I very seldom get to hear that cause I'm stuck inside the
    @%*% noisy cockpit trying to keep my teeth from rattling out.
    I may be wrong but that probably won't stop me from arguing about it.

  22. #22
    murph's Avatar
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    Bryan,

    Yep, been there and done that and don't want to go back. I do love to hear that sound, though, as long as it's at a distance.

    murph

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