Good reading regarding UNICOM radio work

From Avweb,
The Pilot's Lounge #59:
"Any Traffic Please Advise" and Other UNICOM Moronisms

Section headings are:
Good Intentions Gone Bad
Keep It Simple, Accurate and Brief
Instrument Approach Jargon
Overflight Reports at Altitude
Plane-to-Plane Conversations
Some Airplanes Do Not Have Radios

Good reading! I think I'm pretty okay on the radio (I was a licensed ham before learning to fly), but I learned a couple of things.

I am an unlicensed ham. Just ask my wife.

Good article on communications. The other one that controllers seem to hate is "with you" as in "Birddog Approach, Super Cub N1234 is with you at flight level 220".

sj

Amen.

I am going to print copies of that article and carry them in the plane. When I land at a airport that is full of unicom blabber mouths, I'll tack a copy up on the FBO wall. This seems to be getting worse every year.

"Bonanza 1AH on a 20 mile final for 23, any traffic please advise"

"Bonanza 1AH overflying the field at 10000 feet, any traffic please advise"

My favorite response is to "advise" them to land somewhere else.

"Bonanza 1AH over the field, I'd like winds, active, and landing advisory"

(response) "Bonanza over the field, I'd advise looking at the wind sock, landing a Bonanza here is not advised"


Beware the stuck mike. My all time favorite was some yahoo that was tuned to a popular unicom, and obviously had a cassette player plugged into his intercom. Thinking himself all alone in the world, he was singing along, off key and at the top of his lungs, transmitting only his voice (the music didn't transmit). Across several states, people in FBO's tuned to that frequence were rolling on the floor laughing at his rendition of Van Halens greatest hits, over and over again. "Might as well...JUMP!...Go ahead...JUMP!", I'll never forget it.

Another stuck mike favorite was when a local CFI was giving a friend a ride in his plane, he transmited his entire side of the conversation during the flight. The conversation started with something like, "Now, LEGALLY, we're not suppose to do rolls in this plane, but..."

.........or how 'bout the guy who reports 20 miles out.......then 19.......then 18.......then 17, etc. etc. etc.

.........or the guy who, when he gets no response from unicom, feels there is something drastically wrong and keeps repeating himself ad infinitum.

As slow as our cubs are I mostly worry about getting run over from behind........and ( I wouldn't do this, of course ) if one were to enter the traffic pattern at say 200' and look up for traffic I doubt you'd find any spammers eatin' up your tail.

Good article.

At a hangar party today, I heard this stuck mike story: after the plane landed, the instructor said to his student, Forget ground, just taxi back. The folks in the tower weren't laughing. I heard this one from the folks in the tower.

Anne.

I know a case where the pilot accidently held the mike keyed while using four letter words to describe ATC after he had received instructions he didn't like. Yes, he was asked to call the tower when he was on the ground. No action was taken by ATC following the call.

Met a guy that flew a Stearman N747. He said people really would get excited on the small airports when he would radio. This is Boeing 747...


Takeoffs are optional----Landings mandatory