SuperCub.org

Snert · Posted: Wed Aug 26, 2009 2:14 am Post subject:

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup. She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she told me, "Because I am trying to examine you."

12 Geezer · Posted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 6:15 am Post subject:

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business to support his SuperCub. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
_________________
Gordon

hotrod150 · Joined: 09 May 2008 Posts: 198 Location: Port Townsend, WA

Two blonde teenagers were admiring the stars one evening, and one blonde asked the other "which do you think is farther, the moon or Florida?". The other blonde said "hellooooo, can you even SEE Florida from here?"
_________________
minimums are for busting

mike mcs repair · Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 12:02 am Post subject:

_________________
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mike mcs repair · Posted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 12:04 am Post subject:

stolen from an email
_________________
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feelin'_the_heat · Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 3:21 am Post subject: Hall of Fame Archive

Hey Gang-
With the holiday times rolling around, I began to realize how much I miss some of my family members that I have lost in the last year or so.
My sister was quite an emailer, with a great sense of humor. Fortunately I am a pack rat that saved alot of her old emails/jokes.
Whenever I get alittle melancholy, I look up some of the jokes- and I can't help but have a smile on my face. This was one of them.
Happy Holidays
Dan D.

Joe the pilot leased an apartment and went to the lobby to put his name on his
mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the
>apartment
> >> next to the mailboxes wearing a robe, Joe smiled at the young woman
>and
> she
> >> started a conversation with him. As they talked, her robe slipped
>open,
> and
> >> it was obvious that she had nothing else on, poor Joe broke out into
>a
> sweat
> >> trying to maintain eye contact.
> >>
> >> After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, "Let's
>go
> to
> >> my apartment, I hear someone coming." He followed her into her
> apartment,
> >> she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall
>off
> >> completely . Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my
>best
> >> feature?"
> >>
> >> Flustered and embarrassed, Joe finally squeaked, "It's got to be your
> ears!"
> >>
> >> Astounded and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these
>breasts,
> >> they are full and 100% natural! I work out every day! My butt is
>firm
> and
> >> solid!
> >> Look at my skin no blemishes anywhere! How can you feel the best
>part
>
>of
> my
> >> body is my ears?"
> >> Clearing his throat, Joe stammered, "Outside, when you said you heard
> >> someone coming? That was me.
> > >>
>
>
>
>

mike mcs repair · Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 6:02 am Post subject:

Oil Change instructions for Women:
Date: 2009-12-19, 7:28PM

Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner
and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.

Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use Crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
1

Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19) Remember drain plug from step 11.
20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
21) Drink beer.
22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
25) Slip with stupid Crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any
excess skin between knuckles and frame.
26) Begin cussing fit.
27) Throw stupid Crescent wrench.
2

Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
29) Beer.
30) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
31) Beer.
32) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
33) Beer.
34) Lower car from jack stands.
35) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
36) Beer.
37) Test drive car.
3

Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
39) Car gets impounded.
40) Call loving wife, make bail.
41) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $20.00
Total: $4,145.00
But, you know the job was done right!
_________________
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12Geezer2 · Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 2:58 pm Post subject:

Asked the wife if it was O.k. to kiss a Nun---she said " that's fine, just don't get in the Habit"........

Dough Head · Posted: Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:56 pm Post subject:

A guy arrives at work with two black eyes.

His work-mates ask how he got them.

"Well", he says, "I got on the elevator and noticed this lady in front of me with her dress stuck in her butt-crack.

Thinking this might be uncomfortable, I gently pulled the dress out of her crack.

That's when she slugged me in the right eye".

The work-mate asks about the other eye.

"Well, thinking she must have liked the dress up her crack, I tried to tuck it back in".
_________________
It's not very big around, but it sure is short!

375handh · Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 3:54 pm Post subject:

Paddy & The Twins

Paddy had broken his leg and his buddy Mick came over to see him.

Mick says, "How you doin?"

Paddy says, "Okay but do us a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing."

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on the bed.

He says, "Your dad's sent me up here to have sex with both of you."

They say, "Get away with ya; prove it."

Mick shouts downstairs, "Paddy, both of em?"

Paddy shouts back, "Of course both of em, what's the point of f*cking one?"
_________________
It takes a big man to cry. But it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Grizzley · Posted: Fri Dec 25, 2009 8:40 pm Post subject:

This site is worth a look
http://twitter.com/!&$#

feelin'_the_heat · Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 6:03 pm Post subject: Deer Camp

: Deer Camp

DEER CAMP

Four super cub pilots have been going to the same deer camp for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave on their annual hunt, Steve's
wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Steve's friends
are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Steve
sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner
cooking on the fire.

"Damn man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into
letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was
sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands
over my eyes and said, 'Guess whoooo?'"

I pulled her hands off, turned around and looked. She was wearing a
brand new see through nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles
and rose pedals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes!
She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, "Do what ever you want."

"So, Here I am."

Bill Rusk · Posted: Tue Dec 29, 2009 11:36 pm Post subject:

I did not write this but I thought you guys might enjoy it.

INEXPERIENCED CHILI JUDGE

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting
Texas from the East Coast: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a
judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last
moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking
directions to the beer wagon, when the call came.

I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili
wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free
beer during the tasting. So I accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

_________________________________________________________

CHILI # 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy s&%t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried
paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope
that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

_________________________________________________________

CHILI # 2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children I'm not sure what I am
supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to
give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they
saw the look on my face.
__________________________________________________________

CHILI # 3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I
have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me more
beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is
in the front part of my chest. I'm getting s#&t-faced from all the beer.
____________________________________________________________

CHILI # 4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to
taste it, is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was
standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. B@#$h is starting to
look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an
aphrodisiac?

_______________________________________________________

CHILI # 5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
considerable kick. Very Impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit
the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can
no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili
had given me brain damage, Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring
beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off?
It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming.
Screw those rednecks!
________________________________________________________

CHILI # 6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice
and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous,
sulfuric flames. I s@#t myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!
___________________________________________________

CHILI # 7 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
about Judge Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is
cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't
feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like
it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid
unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like s@#t to match my
damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've
decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it. I'm not getting
any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch
hole in my stomach.
____________________________________________________

CHILI # 8 LESTER'S LAST OF THE RED-HOT LOVER'S CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all,
not too bold but spicy enough to declare it's existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor
hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed
out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure
if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a
really hot chili?

mike mcs repair · Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:12 am Post subject:

the streak- ray stevens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtzoUu7w-YM&feature=channel

guess hes a little political now too...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc_-L4fyLUo

bunch more there if you expand his channel
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Evan · Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:23 pm Post subject: Cajun Onstar

freind of mines son in Lafeyette
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eb9bsy0DOR0

Snert · Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 12:37 am Post subject:

Sitting together on a train was Obama, George Bush Jr., a little old lady, and a young blonde girl with large boobs.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, Obama has a bright red hand print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks:
Obama must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped him.

The blonde girl thinks:
Obama must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped him..

Obama thinks:
Bush must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead.

George Bush thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, so I can smack Obama again.

Darrel Starr · Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:20 pm Post subject:

_________________
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain

Darrel Starr · Posted: Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:23 pm Post subject:

UCLA STUDY (very interesting - and short)

A study worth sharing with friends, both male and female:

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that
the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on
where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is
attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is
menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with
duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.
_________________
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Mark Twain

Snert · Posted: Wed Feb 10, 2010 1:12 pm Post subject:

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk.

The older of the two pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing.

'This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.'

'Yes, I remember him as a baby,' says the other mother cheerfully.

'He's a martyr now though,' the mother confides.

'Oh, so sad dear,' says the other..

'And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.'

'Oh, I remember him,' says the other happily, 'he had such curly hair when he was born.'

'He's a martyr too,' says the mother quietly.

'Oh, gracious me . . . , ' says the other.

'And this is my third son, my baby, my beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18,' she whispers.

'Yes,' says the friend enthusiastically, 'I remember when he first started school.'

'He's a martyr also,' says the mother, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . .

'They blow up so fast, don't they?'

Steve's Aircraft (Brian) · Posted: Thu Feb 18, 2010 9:21 pm Post subject:

From an e-mail....Brian

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

mike mcs repair · Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 2:09 am Post subject:

mike mcs repair · Posted: Sun Feb 21, 2010 1:11 am Post subject:

not airplane stuff but..... talented group

more great videos from the "ImprovEverywhere" group..... check out some of the dozens more they have... Human Mirror, and guerrilla bells is neat too..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwMj3PJDxuo&feature=SeriesPlayList&p=9C5623622606791F
--
Mike
_________________
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Steve's Aircraft (Brian) · Posted: Mon Feb 22, 2010 5:39 am Post subject:

A fact of life:

After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.....

Snert · Posted: Sat Feb 27, 2010 3:57 am Post subject:

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the Boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What on earth are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office...

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, '..And where do you think you're going?!'

She said, 'I'm going home, too. You can't possibly expect me to work in the dark.

Shortwing1 · Joined: 14 Nov 2007 Posts: 27

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD. WELL.... YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE (told from a female Super Cub pilot's perspective).

I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.

SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.

AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL .

"YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.

"WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.

HE ANSWERED, "IN 1975. WHY DO YOU ASK?"

"YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, BALD, WRINKLED, FAT ASS, GRAY-HAIRED, DECREPIT, SON-OF-A-BITCH ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH ????"

375handh · Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 3:36 pm Post subject:

I'd just come out of a supermarket with a roasted chicken, French fries, large chips, and a 12 pack of beer. A poor, homeless man sat there and said "I've not eaten for two days."

I told him "I wish I had your freaking will power."
_________________
It takes a big man to cry. But it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

behindpropellers · Posted: Sun Apr 04, 2010 8:55 pm Post subject:

http://www.supercub.org/phpbb2/viewtopic.php?t=20921
_________________
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J-5 Project Pictures

12 Geezer · Posted: Wed Apr 21, 2010 5:31 am Post subject:

http://xkcd.com/726/
_________________
Gordon

mike mcs repair · Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 5:30 am Post subject:

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3 kg. The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we st...and.... The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb.
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