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islandmonkey
11-22-2007, 04:50 AM
1. DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your pop across the room, splattering it against that freshly
painted part you were drying.

2. WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "SH**!!!"

3. ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes until you die of old age.

4. PLIERS: Used to round off hexagonal bolt heads.

5. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board
principle: It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable
motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

6. VISE GRIP PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is
available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the
palm of your hand.

7. OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various
flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

8. WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or 1/2 socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

9. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

10. EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 4X4: Used to attempt to lever an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

11. TWEEZERS: A tool for removing splinters of wood, especially Douglas fir.

12. TELEPHONE: Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another
hydraulic floor jack.

13. SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER: Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for removing dog feces from your boots.

14. E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

15. TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST: A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you forgot to disconnect.

16. CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

17. AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw.

18. TROUBLE LIGHT: The home builder's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin", which is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

19. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and squirt oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off the interiors of Phillips screw heads.

20. AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a
coal-burning power plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 70 years ago by someone at Ford, and rounds them off.

21. PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or
bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

22. HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to cut hoses 1/2 inch too short.

23. HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
now-a-days is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

24. MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well
on boxes containing upholstered items, chrome-plated metal, and plastic parts.

Tim
11-22-2007, 07:29 AM
Ain't that the truth!

HvyJet
11-22-2007, 08:21 AM
Zer Gut!

CloudDancer
11-22-2007, 03:54 PM
Now...THAAS FUNny....ah doan kere WERE yer' FRUM....

good 'un islandmonkey !!

CD :howdy

skukum12
11-23-2007, 01:17 AM
25?

13mm box end wrench or socket. First cousin to the 1/2" that you've spent 15 minutes searching for. Normal habitat includes small black pouches under ATV seats and assembly kits mysteriously 'junk drawered' from your 3 year old's new tricycle.

Imported, one time use only please.

islandmonkey
11-23-2007, 03:40 AM
Cloudy said:


Now...THAAS FUNny....ah doan kere WERE yer' FRUM....

good 'un islandmonkey !!


Cloudy, I have just bought your book through Amazon Germany. Let me know when and if you get to Europe sometime so as I can get you to sign it. Hope its a success.

CloudDancer
11-24-2007, 02:24 AM
Guten Tag islandmonkey - :howdy

WOW! What can I say but...Danke Schoen !! :wink:

Got to visit Germany a couple of times in my younger years. I remember the incredible beauty of the contryside. :up I remember vividly the stark ugliness :o of "the Wall" :down as well, even though only a child at the time.

My last and truest love :luv2: was of German heritage as well. A Scandanavian goddess :crazyeyes: with glacier ice blue eyes. Born and raised in Frankfurt, she also had BLINDingly blonde hair and that pale, pale skin tone. And Oh! What BREASTICLES :roll: (sigh)...She is now an American citizen flying (up front) for American. During our time together she further enriched my German knowledge to a modest degree. But I (as usual) digress.

I hope I WILL some day meet you in person, as I desire to return and visit your beautiful country soon. A close friend often ventures over to Munich for Oktoberfest :cheers and will drag me along some day I'm sure.

And if you get to :flag please PM me in advance so that I might get the chance to meet you as well.

So...now WHERE do I convert my EUROS??

CloudDancer :anon

BES
11-24-2007, 03:03 PM
You seem to have forgotten the ones I personally find most useful:

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage While yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.

EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight.

:-? Bent

aktango58
11-24-2007, 03:35 PM
Great description of my shop!

I also have a bearing box:

Item that resembles a kitchen refridgerator, though in leiu of food, contains parts requiring temperature drop before installing. Example- bait for trapping, Stoli for when hammering fingers, Alaskan Amber when begging for help from thoes that know how to install the bearings, and the dozen roses needed if I am late one more time from flying.

islandmonkey
11-25-2007, 09:58 AM
Just for everyone's information, I am actually English, I was born in London and speak with a bit of a cockney accent. I have lived in Germany for the last nine years. I still miss Fish and Chips though. The Cub I own is German registered.

Anyone on SuperCub.org is welcome to look me up if they are ever in Germany.

islandmonkey
11-25-2007, 10:02 AM
Bent Said:


You seem to have forgotten the ones I personally find most useful:

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage While yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also the next tool that you will need.

EXPLETIVE: A balm, usually applied verbally in hindsight, which somehow eases those pains and indignities following our every deficiency in foresight.

Hey Bent, I spent two very nice New Years in Fano just across the water from Esbjerg a few years ago. Beautiful island!!!!!

BES
11-25-2007, 03:01 PM
Hey Bent, I spent two very nice New Years in Fano just across the water from Esbjerg a few years ago. Beautiful island!!!!![/quote]

You are absolutely right! I grew up over there. A nice place to be a child, growing up with hunting, fishing, sailing...... Only thing that island needs is a decent airstrip!

8o)
Bent