View Full Version : Quips, Quotes, sayings & Truisims

Greg Smith
04-26-2007, 01:51 PM
We've all heard them... Those often funny, sometimes serious, but usually educational aviation sayings.

Things like;

"The three things in aviation that do you no good are runway behind you, altitude above you, and fuel left behind at the airport."


"The only time you can have too much fuel on board is when you are on fire."

An EMS helicopter pilot I know just sent me one I had not heard before,

As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you, and one of them will.

One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an aircraft.

~ or ~

One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your last flight in an aircraft.

There are many of these out there. Many of us have them in the signature blocks on our posts. What are your favorites?

04-26-2007, 03:40 PM
Better to remain silent and thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt !!!

04-26-2007, 04:15 PM
There are no dumb questions...but the world is full of inquisitive idiots.

Wannabe Cubdriver
04-26-2007, 04:36 PM
The two most dangerous things in aviation:

1. A pilot with a wrench, and

2. A doctor with a Mooney.

There is a third, but this is a family show. :drinking: :drinking: :drinking:

Dough Head
04-26-2007, 04:47 PM
AIRSPEED - Speed of an airplane. (Deduct 25% when listening to a retired fighter pilot.)

BANK - The folks who hold the lien on most pilots' cars.

CARBURETOR ICING - A phenomenon reported to the FAA by pilots immediately after they run out of gas.

CONE OF CONFUSION - An area about the size of New Jersey located near the final approach beacon at an airport.

CRAB - A VFR Instructor's attitude on an IFR day.

DEAD RECKONING - You reckon correctly, or you are.

DESTINATION - Geographical location 30 minutes beyond the pilot's bladder saturation point.

ENGINE FAILURE - A condition that occurs when all fuel tanks mysteriously become filled with low-octane air.

FIREWALL - Section of the aircraft specifically designed to funnel heat and smoke into the cockpit.

FLIGHT FOLLOWING - Formation flying.

GLIDE DISTANCE - Half the distance from an airplane to the nearest emergency landing field.

HOBBS - An instrument which creates an emergency situation should it fail during dual instruction.

HYDROPLANE - An airplane designed to land long on a short and wet runway.

IFR - A method of flying by needle and horoscope.

LEAN MIXTURE - Nonalcoholic beer.

MINI MAG LITE - Device designed to support the AA battery industry.

NANOSECOND - Time delay between the Low Fuel Warning light and the onset of carburetor icing.

PARACHUTES - The two chutes in a Stearman

PARASITIC DRAG - A pilot who bums a ride and complains about the service.

RANGE - Usually about 3 miles short of the destination.

RICH MIXTURE - What you order at another pilot's promotion party.

ROGER - Used when you're not sure what else to say.

SECTIONAL CHART - Any chart that ends 25 nm short of your destination.

SERVICE CEILING - Altitude at which cabin crew can serve drinks.

SPOILERS - FAA Inspectors.

STALL - Technique used to explain to the bank why your car payment is late.

STEEP BANKS - Banks that charge pilots more than 10% interest.

TURN & BANK INDICATOR - An instrument largely ignored by pilots.

USEFUL LOAD - Volumetric capacity of the aircraft, disregarding weight.

VOR - Radio navigation aid, named after the VORtex effect on pilots trying to home in on it.

WAC CHART - Directions to the Army female barracks.

YANKEE - Any pilot who has to ask New Orleans tower to "Say again".

04-26-2007, 06:08 PM
The third most dangerous thing in aviation:

3) Flight Attendant with a chipped tooth!

04-26-2007, 06:09 PM
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are
composed entirely of lost airline baggage.

An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex
was safe.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist
invents the airplane, the pessimist the parachute.

If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic
helicopter fly-ins.

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers &
helicopters -- in that order -- need two.

There are only three things the copilot should ever say:
1. Nice landing, Sir.
2. I'll buy the first round.
3. I'll take the ugly one.

As a pilot, only two bad things can happen to you:
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your
last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft not knowing that it is your

last flight.

There are Rules and there are Laws. The Rules are made by men who think
that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. Laws (of
Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should,
suspend the Rules, but you can never suspend the Laws.

About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea
and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g.,

if you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.

The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.

Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot
is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the
intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over, I know of no
expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel
tanks are full.

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he
who demands one iota more is a fool.

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.

The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by
that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely,
there are no limits.

Flying is a great way of life for men who want to feel like boys, but
not for those who still are.

Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.

Forget all that stuff about lift, gravity, thrust and drag. An airplane
flies because of money. If God had meant man to fly, He'd have given him

more money.

If black boxes survive air crashes -- why don't they make the whole
plane out of that stuff?

If the Wright brothers were alive today, Wilbur would have to fire
Orville to reduce costs. --- President, DELTA Airlines

In the Alaska bush, I'd rather have a two-hour bladder and three hours
of gas than vice versa.

It's not that all airplane pilots are good-looking. Just that
good-looking people seem more capable of flying airplanes. Or so
seasoned observers contend. A matter of self-confidence? No doubt, no

I've flown in both pilot seats, can someone tell me why the other one is

always occupied by an idiot?

Son, you're going to have to make up your mind about growing up and
becoming a pilot. You can't do both.

There are only two types of aircraft -- fighters and targets.

You define a good flight by negatives: you didn't get hijacked, you
didn't crash, you didn't throw up, you weren't late, you weren't
nauseated by the food. So you're grateful.

You know they invented wheelbarrows to teach FAA inspectors to walk on
their hind legs.

New FAA Motto: We're not happy 'till you're not happy

04-26-2007, 07:24 PM
Flying in and of itself is not dangerous------crashing is.

04-26-2007, 10:29 PM
Gravity is a bitch, Ain't it?

04-26-2007, 11:23 PM
Aviation has a perfect safety record-- we've never left one up there yet.

The three most dangerous words in aviation-- hey watch this!

"Fly straight and level"-- "OK, which do you want first?".

Airspeed is life, altitude is life insurance.

Keep a little airspeed in the bank.

You can land anywhere-- once.

04-27-2007, 12:36 AM
A good landing is one you can walk away from.

A great landing is one that allows you to reuse the airplane.

04-27-2007, 02:27 AM
Do you know what to do if you lose your motor at night?

You wait until you get real close to the ground - turn your landing on, if you don't like what you see, turn it off.

mike mcs repair
04-27-2007, 02:44 AM
from some book I read.... about aircraft design..

"if you keep track of the ounces,.... the pounds will take care of them selves"

Bill Rusk
04-27-2007, 07:51 AM
"A chipped tooth". Snert you crack me up. I bout fell outta my chair and had tea coming out my nose.

Bill :D :D :D :D

Jerry Gaston
04-27-2007, 08:28 AM
On a short field takeoff hold the plane on the ground all the way to the end then pull back. If you don't make it it's the planes fault.

04-27-2007, 10:54 AM
God is a pretty good engineer!.
He never made no three legged low wing birds.

04-27-2007, 04:26 PM
It's better to be down here wishing you were up there,
than up there wishing you were down here.

Hovering is for pilots who love to fly but have no place to go.

A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round
and reciprocating parts going up and down -
all of them trying to become random in motion

Helicopters can't really fly -
they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.

If God meant man to fly, He'd have given him more money.

It's easy to make a small fortune in aviation.
You start with a large fortune.

04-28-2007, 12:04 AM
You never want to run out of airspeed, altitude and ideas all at the same time.

Three useless things: fuel left in the fuel truck, altitude below you, and runway behind you.

It's OK to bounce, just be sure you bounce straight ahead.

04-28-2007, 01:32 AM
In a lite twin if one engine quits, the other engine will get you to the scene of the accident.

04-29-2007, 07:19 AM
Good crew teamwork dictates that after the pilot makes a hard landing, the flight attendant will announce, "it's not the pilot's fault, it's the assfault"

Company motto: Landings = Takeoffs

Reality check for passengers: Forget about hoping the crew is up there thinking about you... what you want is a crew whose basic motivation is "if my butt gets there, so does theirs." Pray that your crew has a strong survival instinct.

04-29-2007, 07:39 AM
Your better off spending a nickel to make a dime, than to spend a dime to save a nickel.

04-29-2007, 02:34 PM
A SOUP-ERIOR pilot 8)
uses his SUPERIOR judgement :-?
to AVOID situations :o
which MIGHT call for use of his SUPERIOR skills! :wink:

Ah'd rather :sleeping: with a RATTESNAKE than SHAKE HANDS with a FED!! (*)

There's OLD pilots and there's BOLD pilots....but there ain't no OLD BOLD pilots.

Airplanes WILL fly overGROSS...but they will NOT fly outta' GAS :Gparp: (*)

No such thing as TOO MUCH GAS lessen' you be on :onfire: !!

Cloud(USED ta' be BOLD, now just getting OLD)Dancer :anon

(*) Credit goes to Gramma' CloudDancer :up

04-29-2007, 04:47 PM
lesson of today...

If you can't see the ground, you'd better turn around! :roll:

05-01-2007, 08:14 PM
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather the pilot, peacefully in my sleep, not screaming all the way down like his passengers.............

05-02-2007, 01:14 AM
Airplanes are constructed from a series of compromises traveling in tight formation.