Luthern Viking Air

WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN VIKING AIR IS NOW OPERATING IN

MINNYSOTA AND ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA.

If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Viking Air, da no-frills airline.

You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience.

Dere is no First Class on any Lutran Viking Air flight. Meals are potluck.

Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in da rear of da aircraft.

Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage.

All fares are by free will offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met.

Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Viking Air 599.

Okay den, listen up.

I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so villCaptain Olson, because we fly right around two tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes.

You're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes.

Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're going to have quite a bit of at two tousand feet, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which ain't right, but what can you do?

Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da way.

No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head.

We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style wit da coffee pot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin!

Right now I'll say Grace: "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close."

Happy Landin wit da Lutran Viking Airline.

So what's funny about dis? Just anodder day here in da land of ten tousand lakes and a bunch O us scandinavians. Next you'll tell us dat Sven and Ole's travails are supposed to be funny and not drama in real life...Uff-Da!

(right Mike?

I don,t get it!



Uffda

Hoo vood guess dis, doan cha no! Rick

Uff da, ya shur, yu bet cha, eh?

Bill

You bet, eh?

Ann, velcome to Minnysota, eh?

Eye of a Storm

Over the past five years, the volatile Midwest has produced violent rage like the knockwurst output at Milwaukee's venerable Usinger's -- sudden, repeated, and in long unbroken strings. One of the principle catalysts was the rise the Uff Da insurgency, led by the enigmatic Pastor Duane Gunderson, who seek a unified Lutheran caliphate stretching from the Great Plains to Lake Huron, and the banning of non-Big 10/Pac 10 apostates from the Rose Bowl. Gunderson remains in hiding, but his influence was seen last year in the widely publicized Lutefisk desecration riots that rocked the Heartland amid the pancake breakfast holidays.

Still, outside of the Dells and a handful of violent outposts near its western Mississippi River border, Wisconsin remained a relatively calm exception to the Midwestern maelstrom surrounding it -- a fact that experts attribute to subtle differences in culture and religion.

"Unlike the ultra-extreme, radical Lutheran sectarians of Iowa and Minnesota, most ethnic Wisconsinites belong to the Wisconsin Lutheran Synod," said Joseph Killian, a Midwestern Studies professor at Emory University in Atlanta. "And if you add in three Super Bowl titles, easier access to beer, and walleye fishing, and you're going to have a much calmer and more stable culture."

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