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RobW56
03-31-2005, 11:39 PM
This was sent to me in an e-mail, thought it was pretty funny and you guys would enjoy it.

Subject: Aircraft maintenance>
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the ground engineers problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
The ground engineers read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, then the pilot reviews the gripe sheet before the next flight.
Never let it be said the ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by the ground engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had a fatal accident.

(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the ground engineers.)
************************************************** **************************

P> Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

S> Almost replaced left inside main tyre.
************************************************** **************************

P> Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough

S> Auto-land not installed on this aircraft
************************************************** **************************

P> Something loose in cockpit

S> Something tightened in cockpit
************************************************** **************************

P> Dead bugs on windshield

S> Live bugs on back-order
************************************************** **************************

P> Autopilot in altitude-hold produces a 200 feet per minute descent

S> Cannot reproduce problem on ground
************************************************** **************************

P> Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

S> Evidence of leak removed
************************************************** ********************

P> DME volume unbelievably loud

S> DME volume set to a more believable volume
************************************************** ****

P> Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

S> That's what they're there for
************************************************** *

P> IFF inoperative

S> IFF always inoperative in OFF position
************************************************** *************************
*
P> Suspected crack in windshield

S> Suspect you're right
************************************
*
P> Number 3 engine missing

S> Engine found on right wing after brief search
************************************************** *******
P> Aircraft handles funny

S> Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
************************************************** ********
P> Target radar hums

S> Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics
************************************************** **********
P> Mouse in cockpit

S> Cat installed
************************************************** *********************
P> Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.

S> Took hammer away from midget.
************************************************** *************

Mikey
04-01-2005, 01:07 AM
Rob,

Thanks for sharing that... good LOL stuff!

If you are back in the PNW on leave around June 24-26, come up again for the Cub Gathering.

Chris

RobW56
04-01-2005, 01:31 AM
I'd love to go up to Harvey agin for the cub gathering, that was alot of fun last year. I won't be home in June though, will be home late April to early May though. Then I'm driving up to Anchorage, going to be based at Elmendorf, so hopefully I can do some flying while I'm up there.

busbart1
04-01-2005, 11:08 AM
Rob.,

Bart here form scappoose. hows it going for you?
I stoped buy fly for fun the other day practicing landings. I sold the cub and bought a maule m-7.
hope all is well for you.

Bart G

RobW56
04-01-2005, 05:11 PM
Hey Bart, things are going good. I'm down in Little Rock flying on C-130s finishing my training to be a loadmaster. I checkride next week, then I have to go through a water survival course in Flordia then I get to head home for a bit. Maybe I'll see you over at Scappoose later this month.