View Full Version : At the Pay-Less Pump
03-18-2005, 06:53 AM
A woman Cherokee driver was fueling her plane while two guys waiting to fuel their Cub stood by the pay-less pump. As she topped the wing one of the Cub guys walked over to help her with the hose. She then reached down and unsnapped the ground wire and let it go. The wire spun back on the reel with the heavy spring clamp bouncing along the deck. The second Cub guy reached over to slow the reel down but he was too late and the clamp smacked into him with a sickening "whaaap". He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed over to the man and began to apologize.
"Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him.
"Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes," the man replied, still in pain, in the fetal position, still clasping his hands together in his groin.
But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked, "How does that feel?"
He replied, "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
03-18-2005, 07:59 AM
Good one Joe........
As the airliner pushed back from the gate, the flight attendant gave the passengers the usual information regarding seat belts, etc. Finally, she said, "Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew take you safely to your destination."
Ed sitting in the eighth row thought to himself, "Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman?"
When the attendants came by with the drink cart, he said, "Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?"
"Yes," said the attendant, "In fact, this entire crew is female."
"My God," said Ed, "I'd better have two scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think of all those women up there in the cockpit."
"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cock pit. Now it's the box office
03-18-2005, 08:02 AM
you guys have way to much time on lyour hands
03-18-2005, 09:37 AM
OK Cubdrvr........"That's another thing sir," said the attendant, "We no longer call it the cock pit. Now it's the box office
So now, is the blackbox politically incorrect??
03-18-2005, 09:45 AM
Maybe it should be called the "box of color".
03-18-2005, 09:51 AM
Well, actually Joe..........the blackbox isn't really black so I don't know where that leaves things. We could call Jesse.
03-18-2005, 10:15 AM
Thanks you guys.
That's what I love about this forum. I can be having a really bad day, come here and get a smile on my face.
I think we may have to develop a rating system for posts...
03-18-2005, 01:57 PM
Na. This was light. But now, I can't always say that. My wife like the gas pump joke so we sent it to here uncle. It's all over the tobacco belt now.
03-18-2005, 06:32 PM
Is that what "TV-MA" stands for.
"Tobacco Viewers and Mature Adults only"
Now I can understand the problem of having such a far reaching web as we have here and the rebellious difficulty revealed in culling the Mature from the Immature adults.
If you notice, I posted the Pay-Less story (and it is a true story) at a time when only Mature Adults would be viewing. And then I see it pops up in the middle of the day when those Immature adults are up and about. I mean, "Wassup wit dat?"
03-19-2005, 07:44 AM
As the airliner is pulled back from the gate to taxi for takeoff a little boy sitting with his mother looking out the window sees a SuperCub. He says, "Mother do big airplanes have baby airplanes?. She says, Don't be silly, airplanes do not have baby airplanes". He says, "why not"? She says, "ask the female flight attendant, she can explain it to you".
He walks back to the the VERY BUSY flight attendant explaining that his mother said she could provide the answer. She replies, "The planes we fly on this airline CERTAINLY DO NOT have baby airplanes", and the little boy ask "why not?
She answers, "Because our airplanes always pull out on time, your mother can explain that to you".
03-19-2005, 07:55 AM
Good chuckle, Flyer...barely kept the coffee out of my nose.
AND you made it in before the 9AM deadline for Mature Audiences.
03-19-2005, 08:04 AM
If it is the Cajun coffee I remember from my time at Lake Charles Air Force Base, it would take off your nose!
No, we don't ever want to become mature!!
03-19-2005, 08:21 AM
Amen to both, Flyer.
And here's to being so not mature that we fly around in Piper Cubs yelling "Yahoo" and acting like we're looking for Nevernever Land.
Thanks for getting this Saturday off to a great start. I'm off now to yell a few "Yahoos"
03-21-2005, 10:34 AM
On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful...and things go from bad to worse when
one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming!!, she stands up in the front of the plane and shouts:
"I'm too young to die! Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die,
I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there
anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"
For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their
own peril. They all stare, eyes riveted, at the desperate woman
in the front of the plane.
Then a cowboy named Jack, from Carmichael, Saskatchewan,
stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome: well built,
with dark brown hair and blue eyes.
He starts to walk..slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt...
slowly...one button at a time.
No one moves........or makes a sound.
He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest.
He whispers . . .
"Iron this.......then get me a beer!"
03-21-2005, 10:48 AM
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